the end

today I had thoughts on giving up; like running a marathon and allowing flashes on stopping to walk.I've never walked, though I'm not in any place to boast since the furthest I've ran is 10km. But I've never walked. walking is defeat, it's resignation, it's giving up.

But today,unlike other days, I was tired. my body stiff, my mind a useless blank,my soul light.While life is short, it is very long and I'm already tired.

So this weekend is pamper-pam weekend.rejuvenation is key,motivation is a by-product.screw those who scorn at 'splurgers'.how often are we nice to ourselves.how often are people nice to us.

fading...

Rain

Not so hot as this for a hundred years.
You were where I was going. I was in tears.
I surrendered my heart to the judgement of my peers.

A century's heat in the garden, fierce as love.
You returned on the day I had to leave.
I mimed the full, rich, busy life i had to live.

Hotter than hell. I burned for you day and night;
got bits of your body wrong, bits of it right,
in the huge mouth of the dark, in the bite of the light.

I planted a rose, burnt orange, the colour of flame,
gave it the last of the water, gave it your name.
It flared back at the sun in a perfect rhyme.

Then the rain came, like stammered kisses at first
on the back of my neck. I unfurled my fist
for the rain to caress with its lips. I turned up my face,

and water flooded my mouth, baptised my head,
and the rainclouds gathered like midnight overhead,
and the rain came down like a lover comes to a bed.

Carol Ann Duffy

blissfully heading nowhere

there's something beautifully intriguing about stairs; the mystery of what lies above or below, eagerly hoping to find what you hoped to find, anticipating the end yet, not wanting to arrive at it.

stairs.
i want them all around just like books.





via stair porn

thoughts on quitting

there's still that part of me that fantasizes about being buried by books...

you & me, here ok?

happiness is an espresso con pana

http://www.happinessimages.blogspot.com

Dear Miaoster,
you're the only cat i'll ever love. how you wait for me nightly, i'll remember. you'd spring to your feet excitedly. oh miaoster, why did you disappear? for so long, the prints on your fur i remember so clear. did i not make you happy too, my dear miaoster? when the worms infested the void deck, i feared that you miaoster, would be infected. and the food went untouched, the water bowl was full, my miaoster, i was so worried for you. but now that you're back, my ball of fur, miaoster, please don't disappear ever, forever.

i love you,
fat cat

Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be alright now
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight

happiness is a new book in the mailbox

And this is me trapped. I still am today.

awful dreams

Last night, there were children jumping off the Singapore Flyer, a giant ferris wheel attraction built to mimick the London Eye. It was a messy sight as I watched from a car passing below the Flyer. Bits of bloody flesh splashed about in mid-air like butchered meat. There, eleven to 12 year olds waited their turn, each contemplating for roughly 3 minutes, stoic-faced, before plunging into deep red fireworks.

Later in the dream, I learnt, from a faceless friend, that those kids were leukemia patients.

though we're far apart, you're always in my heart

happiness is a blue dress

now my heart is full

nas is back and she's brought along some friends ")
thanks nas!
now i need more shelf space and hence, more books...

now my heart is full
now my heart is full
and i just can't explain
so i won't even try to

tim tam teddy bears

looks uncannily like the grandson,
who has developed ballies just like his dad

heavy leeches

do you believe in soulmates?

last evening, i went swimming in the ocean. and as my head bobbed out of the water, i saw that the horizon was slanted 30 degrees counter-clockwise. and you were lying on the horizon like a hammock suspended in space,your face relaxed, blissful. you turned to look at me, got off your hammock and swam towards me. i see your head and then i dont, i see you and then i dont. where were you and where were you headed? you were not coming closer nor moving further. did i not see you swim towards me?

do you believe in soulmates? i don't.

once, i felt your hand on my calf, you lifted me above the water,yourself buried. i squealed in surprise. the air unsalty and fresh; a pedestal, for once, above all my heavy misery that clung to my bikini like 10-pound leeches. you brought to me a breath of fresh air in a moment of strength and self sacrifice. but i sank back.

the inevitability of gravity. the bitch of sin. i sank back into my black, dark yet familiar ocean. you looked at me expectantly, "did i make you happy?", your eyes asked; your lips reached forward for a kiss of gratitude. yes. yes. but no, it dissipated, like you, too, will dissipate.

i see you and then i don't. you swam back to your hammock, laid on it, smiling. and faded into the sunset.

do you believe in soulmates? i don't.
you make me so happy, so new. but in this ocean, everyone drowns.

catch a falling star & put it in your pocket
never let it fade away
catch a falling star & put it in your pocket
aave it for a rainy day

爱恨消失前，用手温暖我的脸
为我证明我曾真心爱过你

hong kong this time

so we were away for a good 7 days. don't recall ever being to an asian holiday destination for such a prolonged period of time with my family before. and to be honest, i was afraid we might bite each others' heads off. but it was better than expected. although, i almost bit some heads when mom decided to settle for some dodgy looking malaysian cuisine instead of being adventurous and looking for the famous chilli crab under the bridge in mongkok. turns out, chilli-crab-under-the-bridge is NOT in mongkok but in wanchai. imagine if i made them search, i'd be headless. u know how they say mothers seem to know it all. jyah. so there were no surprises, hong kong IS all about eating and shopping so we didnt try to do anything too funky like wax museums or disney lands.

we went to this modern toilet restaurant in sz for dinner. as the name suggests, the theme was.. well, toilets. usually, what goes in and what comes out don't go very well together but i guess we were all tired from walking and hence, agreeable on potentially ruining our appetites as long as we had somewhere to sit, even if it meant toilet bowls. so this is mom and her nasty looking friend with things leaking out his nose. halfway through the meal, we burst out laughing at the sight of our parents spooning their tom yum soup from a toilet bowl the size of a steamboat pot. see how vulnerable a tired man can become. hurhur. after the meal, dad shot us a NO DESSERTS look for fear of what chocolate ice-cream might look like here.

at the malaysian restaurant where i was ready to bite!

entertaining ourselves at the shopping centre next to laforet, beverly something when the shops weren't open yet

delighted to eat crepes right after japanese pizza & pasta for dinner!

seafood in china!!
and i tell u,some of the prawns were already dead.

that was that. hong kong is like a suitor; tirelessly throwing in little surprises & gifts in pursuit of this heart already sold to someone else. in many ways, she resembles the love of my life yet much of what is lacking is what matters. nonetheless, she still caused severe vacation-withdrawal symptoms the moment i place my foot on spick & span sunny island.

getting used to you getting used to life without me