trouble-d

i feel troubled. and i usually can't pin-point the cause. perhaps i am tired and nerved by my inherent need to be compulsively clean in spite of the time which led to my quarter-of-an-hour long shower. i could be troubled by other less important things like my deadlines encircling 10 page reports or my nagging conscience at my decision to skip class tomorrow morning. anyhow, i am troubled.

and when i am troubled, i shut the world out; kind of like punishing trouble himself, locking him in so he won't go infecting others by making a scapegoat out of busy and therefore less attentive boyfriends or concerned therefore naggy mothers. trouble is sneaky like that.

but somehow it does work on him, this lock-in. disseminates him, vaporises him and perhaps, then absorbs him. and when accumulated to a fairly sizeable volume, i could become trouble himself, humanised.